Resurrection, Procrastination, Libel, and the Discontinuation of the Banana Flavored Twinkie

Hello again world,

Bet you thought I forgot about you. Well I didn't. I just don't care that much about you. It is for that reason that I feel like narrating this blog as if you (the reader) is somehow angry with me for not posting since April of last year. To which I respond with a fart noise made with my mouth and a snide look. So now that we've cleared that up I have one of several choices to choose (as that is what you do with choices). I can either update all of you (or both of you depending on if my mom actually logs on this time) on what has been happening since the previous post, or I can simply ramble on about what I deem relevant and leave you wondering about the authenticity of everything that I have to say. That is for me to decide and you to figure out.

Moving on. I got a job, a girlfriend, a couple X-rays, a tan, and countless hours of lost sleep this last year. So I feel like you're sufficiently caught up. Now on to what really matters. Mikel Thacker. For those of you who don't know, The Alpha Gamma chapter of Beta Upsilon Chi took its gamma pledge class this semester, which was composed of twelve members, the least of which is none other than Mikel Thacker. For those of you who do not believe me he drives a green truck with the words "Fanny Pack Thack" written in car chalk on his rear window, which has clearly been there for ever. I thought I would just make those of you who actually read this aware of his existence so that you may lift your nose at him when you see him meandering about campus and lowering the intelligence level of whatever crowd he finds himself associating with. For those of you who disagree with what I have said in the current paragraph then I challenge you to a hula hooping contest, winner take all. Ranting about LFP (Least Favorite Pledge) aside I am excited about the prospective gamma class and all that it has to offer. Oh and one of them is a ginger so that can't hurt. Plus Chase Baggett made it, so it was only uphill from there...

Another thing that chapped my hide in the past year was that I found out the discontinued the banana flavored Twinkies. Seriously? Who's idea was that... I knew Obamacare was a bad idea... I mean honestly, the best thing that ever happened to the hostess cake empire was the slightly banana tasting completely artificial flavor of the banana creme in the almost cylindrical sponge cake. This is as disgraceful as this year's Superbowl halftime show... If only I could do something about it, some way I could manipulate or reverse engineer the formula of what comprises this delicious pastry. Where is T.J. Henderson when you need him? (For those of you who may have a hard time remembering who this is, T.J. was a character played by Taj Mowry on the 90's television series "Smart Guy"). Until then I will stick to writing strongly worded letters to Hostess in hopes that somewhere someone is reading them and realizing the wrongs that have been committed. Snail mail of course. Letters always mean more when they are hand written. Or in my case hand scribbled as my thumb is broken. Either way I heard that Robert Langdon is taking house calls now so he should be able to decode that for them. Yes that was a Da Vinci Code reference. No I will not make out with you.

Go on with the Chlorophyll.





P.S. If you ain't got no booty shorty, go and walk the plank.